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Dear friends, I told a certain volunteer who expressed discontent with September's "Join The Professionals" issue of Phatwad that I would never put his name beside the letters FPCVL again. For the record, Phatwad has never edited any of the volunteers' submissions in the past, and it's too much work to start now. But I really didn't want to see anyone put out, so following mailrun, I had an editor's meeting and informed the rest of the Phatwad staff that any mention of FPVCL is not appreciated, by order. I regret to say that B.E. and the others were not convinced of the urgency to curtail any mention of FPCVL in future issues of the `wad. In fact, Most of this issue seems to be dedicated to just that subject. Goes to show what an incompetent fool I am. So I apologize for the suffering that may ensue form reading this issue. But on the other hand, why SHOULDN'T someone be proud of being identified with the prestigious position of PCVL? A PCVL is a leader; someone who can get things done. The office should be respected by all, especially by people like me who can't get the job done, suffer from an immaturity syndrome, and who could hide in a police lineup of professional misanthropists. So I salute everyone out there bold enough to ride the red fire truck of their childhood into the sunset of their dreams as a PCVL. Just remember: No one was ever murdered for being too ambitious. So keep up the good work, and you will reach the end soon enough! Crossword solution from September, 2000. M F A U N A T A P R C O I L P T R H I N O N I C A N O E O N Y T A P I O C A S T I N G H E F R E I P L O L I T A P C V L H A Y N O K A Y A K A F A R R P I A R B T I E O T R E K M O B A P O R N O E I R I S H O I M N A D E T R C M A D D O G R O W T R I R O L D E P G E O R G E S T O O L C O L L E G E T O D I G U N O A N A N A G R O Z O N E J A M M E H Z R C T So here are the answers to my crossword that appeared in the "Join the Professionals Issue." I hope you enjoyed it. It was the first crossword I've ever made and I hope it lived up to my goal of rivaling the New York Times Crossword. I must apologize though because there were a few typos and mistakes which was entirely the fault of the editors, after all they should have edited. This isn't as easy as it looks (I'm under the impression that I make this look easy.) 31 Down should have said "These do not turn on Sara Hossman, they merely intrigue her." 18 Across should have said that "Amy Fisher was the Long Island _______." 46 Down should have said "Spanish the." And one we'll call 49 « Down should have said "Opposite of off." -Kevin Dille BRITISH WOMAN DIES FROM FLIGHT 'SYNDROME' FOLLOWING 12,000-MILE FLIGHT A woman collapsed and died from a condition known as "economy class syndrome" just minutes after getting off a flight from Australia to London, British newspapers reported. Emma Christofferson, 28, developed deep vein thrombosis (DVT), a blood clot associated with long distance flights, while traveling home to London from the Olympic Games on a Qantas flight via Singapore. Christofferson complained of feeling unwell on the last part of the 12,000-mile trip and collapsed in the arrival hall at Heathrow airport. She died 10 days ago, before reaching the hospital. Potato story You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr.. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one, a real sweet potato, whom they called 'Yam.' They wanted the best for little > Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like 'Hot Potato,' and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. She said not to worry, "No Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her!" But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland. And even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped. She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say, 'Frito Lay.' Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to Idaho P.U., that's Potato University, where the Big Potatoes come from. When she graduates, she'll really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him because he's just a...? Are you ready for this? Are you sure? OK! Here it is! COMMON TATER!!! Marc's Family History page I just wanted to recap the major events of the great heritage that is still shining through from the ancient Maxsons to the Maxsons of today. The following speech was given by my father at the Maxson 2000 family reunion. It should show you once and for all that I'm one of the more "normal" Maxson's in my family. MAXSON -2000 REUNION -- WELCOME ADDRESS for the FIRST NATIONAL MAXSON REUNION - August 5-6, 2000 Given by RAY MAXSON - First Maxson Reunion National Chairman "It was Eighteen Score and Seven years ago that Richard Maxson (or Richarde Maggsen) sailed forth on the Griffin to America in search of Religious Freedom. He came with the Anne Hutchison Party and attempted to settle in Boston, but soon found the Religious Freedom to be too limiting in the Boston Church. Then Richard and his freedom seeking party went to Portsmouth, Rhode Island and bought land. After about a year, the party left Rhode Island under the threat of Religious Persecution and prison and settled land around Throggs Neck, New York. It was at this settlement that Anne Hutchison and her party; including Richard Maxson, were massacred by the Indians. All the Maxson ancestors from whom we are descendants escaped and returned to Rhode Island." [Like, doesn't this last statement seem obvious?] .. "My personal mentor in courage is Col. Jonathan Maxson, who fought in the Revolutionary War from 1776 till its end in 1783 under severe and deadly conditions.." ".That same spirit shined brightly when Col. Jonathan Maxson was called to a Town meeting after the Revolutionary War. This was an open vote on the ratification of the Constitution . The Rhode Islanders from Richmond were not favoring the Constitution. However, Col. Jonathan was filled with patriotism after his years of service with General Washington and in the Continental Army, and his character came out in a paraphrased account of the vote, taken for the record, during that momentous time. The constitution was first submitted to Richmond on March 24, 1787. The vote taken shows the conservative tendencies, that then prevailed, and the slowness of the people to adopt new and untried principles in important public matters. There were at the time Legal voters in the town .............................. 77 Present and voted .............................. 69 Voted AGAINST adopting the Constitution ... 68 Voted FOR its adoption----------------------------------- 1 As these votes were taken yea and nay, the names of the voters remain on the record for all posterity. The name of the man who could dare to stand alone was my hero: Jonathan Maxson." [Unfortunately, he was subsequently lynched by the townsfolk] "More recently the expanded Maxson Family has been faced with the problem of communications with its far flung members. We now number over 1000, and stretch all over the United States of America and into foreign countries." [Scary thought, isn't it?] [I edited this speech, which probably lasted an HOUR! - Marc Duane] Why you should vote. (submitted by Jane Rovins) > > 1800 1 vote gives Thomas Jefferson the presidency > over Aaron Burr > 1839 1 vote wins the Massachusetts governorship for > Marcus Morton > 1868 1 vote saves Andrew Johnson's presidency > 1941 1 vote strengthens selective service before > World War II > 1960 1 vote per precinct gives JFK the presidency > 1993 1 vote by Al Gore approves the largest tax > increase in history > 2000 1 vote, your vote, can make the difference > November 7th > > In America, 1 VOTE DOES MATTER. Be the ONE. Errol - You'll never guess who I met the other day. Sir Doctor His Excellency President Colonel (Rtd.) Alhaji Yahya Aziz James Junko Jammeh So there I was, avoiding hard work on the polio campaign by hanging out with the big boss himself. At first I didn't think that it was him. He was shorter than I thought he would be and not nearly as fat as those ridiculous posters all over the country make him appear to be. You wouldn't know it but the guy has a hell of a handshake. No dead ass limp fish for him. Guess that's what happens when you're a self appointed colonel. Anyways so I'm standing in a long line of Cubans (odd place for an American white boy. All I could think about was poor little Elian. Did that little bastard ever get home or has he since joined the Miami community. Not really enough burrito stands there anyways.) So the pres made his way down the line and I sort of got a little excited. I thought I was going to wet myself actually and went to grab my ween just when I realized that the man himself was standing in front of me! I quickly took my hand off myself and took his hand. "hello Sir Doctor His Excellency President Colonel (Rtd.) Yahya A.J.J. Jammeh." At first I thought he was taken a back by such a grand greeting. He took a step back gave me the once over and then proceeded to tilt his head. Just then I realized what a tragic mistake I had made "Shit, I forgot the Alhaji didn't I." "Yeah you did." "Sorry about that, actually I wasn't sure if it went before or after the Colonel part so I just left it out." "Don't sweat it, happens all the time." "Yeah I bet." "Say what are you doing next week?" "What?" "I said what are you doing next week?" "Umm if it's anything like the last few 160 weeks, I'd say not much. Did I mention I'm a Peace Corps Volunteer?" "No you didn't but that's nice to hear. How's Yamai by the way?" "Actually it's hard to tell, everytime I see her she has a new hairstyle. We're all starting to think it might be some multiple personality disorder." "Really? You might want to consult the DSM IV" "Funny I left my only copy in America." "Why don't you swing by my place next week and maybe we can look through it together." "What?" "I said why don't you swing by my place next week and maybe we can look through it together." "Are you really a doctor?" "No but I play one in public and on TV." And that was how I met Sir Doctor His Excellency President Colonel (Rtd.) Alhaji Yahya Aziz James Junko Jammeh. It should be noted that some parts of this story are made up, but not all of them! Politics "A platform is a crutch for people to climb onto and rant with a louder, unified voice." "If membership in a political party were a requirement to entering Heaven, then I should prefer to burn in Hell." -- Thomas Jefferson For all of you who are bummed by not being able to vote in this years election because of the wonderful mail system we have here don't feel too bad. It just the presidential election. In case you were wondering, Tom Morgan had special write-in absentee ballots available the last few weeks before the election. All you had to do was know this and go ask him for one. Cooking Domoda - the cookbooks you got from Peace Corps didn't have this very common dish. So I emailed an RPCV for the recipe. I can't make it yet; it takes skill or practice. But you might like it. - Marc In large/ deep pan Fry meat in 1/2 cup oil with 2-3 onions , 3-4 cloves garlic salt and pepper (Cut this onions & garlic small, unless you can pound them, or use a food processor) Then add 2-3 cups water 2-3 cups Natural peanut butter (found at health food stores) (unsweatened peanut butter is the same stuff) 2 bullion cubes 3-4 tomatoes 3-4 tablespoons tomato paste 2-3 habinaro peppers You can also add pumpkin and/or potatoes or other veggies at this time if you wish. Let it simmer as you cook the rice. You may need to add more water, or more peanut butter depending on your desired thickness Enjoy! Halloween Mailrun Every Halloween needs a witch, a ghost, and a pimp running around. So we brought costumes dressed you up. Those pictures will be used in a Peace Corps scrap book that will be auctioned off at the Thanksgiving art auction for charity. So save your money. Here are the results of the survey: 1. Which volunteer is most likely to star in the sequel to the Rocky Horror Picture Show? (No consensus on answers) Name Votes Zach 12 (winner!) Amy Capalupo 4 Beckri 4 Tom Vehe 4 Marc 4 Glendon 3 I don't know 3 Dave Mills 3 Lisa Reimer 3 Timothy 3 Kevin Dilley 2 Cheryl 1 Clara 1 Matt Coles 1 Mike Grossman 1 An 1 Misty 1 Paul 1 Dana 1 Alicia 1 Natalie 1 Sam (Driver) 2. Who is the Peace Corps Witch? (Remember: It can also be a good witch.) Name Votes Clara 9 (winner!) (Tom Morgan's vote was not included with the eight) Jackie 4 Awa 4 Julie M 3 Natalie 2 Kyene 2 Tony 2 Margaret 2 Kendra 2 Melody 2 Ali 2 John Gomez 1 Barbara 1 (Geez! doesn't anyone remember the magic Barbara does?) Julie V 1 Kate W. 1 Gibril Sumbunu 1 Erica 1 Beckri 1 Alicia 1 Sara J. 1 Jen J. 1 Tonya 1 Kine 1 Tom M. 1 Nana 1 Ann Marie 1 Mistress Le Fay? 1 (Don't ask, Zach just insisted on this answer) Rachel 3. Which volunteer comes to mind when you think of a werewolf? Name Votes Zack 23 (winner!) Glendon 20 Dilley 3 Burroughs 3 Dave Mills 2 Honorable Mentions: (Mike G, K. Moore, Errol M, Jen Burns.) "I'm never going to shake that [werewolf image], even back in the states." - Zachary Maichuk, upon hearing question number three. 4. Which volunteer would be most likely to give out fruit to trick-or-treaters instead of candy on Halloween? Name Votes Ali 9 Lisa M. (URD) 9 Julie M. 7 Steve 3 Kate W. 3 Liz 2 Chandra 2 Nana 2 Jen J. 2 Tonya 2 Rose 2 Kyene 1 Jean 1 Mary 1 Jim & Lauren 1 An 1 Paul 1 Nobody 1 Jeremy 1 Tom 1 Jackie 1 Adam Burns 1 Julie V "Ali would give out glitter." - Five of the volunteers surveyed. 6. Which volunteer would be most likely to put razor blades in the candy? (Again, Clara earns another Gold Medal in this category!) Name Votes Clara 12 (winner!) Mike Grossman 7 Dave 6 Matt C. 5 Tom V. 5 Margaret 2 Zach 2 Mad Dog 2 Kevin M. 1 Melody 1 Mary 1 Alicia 1 Adam 1 Julie V. 1 Irish 1 Marc 2 Teague 1 Nobody 7. Which Peace Corps Staff Person's house is most likely to be egged this Halloween? Name Votes John Gomez 13 Tom Morgan 21 Awa 6 Rex 4 Gibril Sumbunu 3 Tony 3 Omar 2 John Jabba 1 Rupert 1 Sam 1 (Editor's Note: The twenty-one of you who voted for Tom Morgan OBVIOUSLY never met John Gomez.) 8. Describe your best all-time Halloween Costume. Paul - "Damn Sexy Woman." Guys were hitting on me! Adam - Robot. (My mom even added a pull out drawer in front for candy. Kevin - dressed up as his best friend (not be confused with the time he dressed up as that bastard, Marc). Karen - tree hugger Jackie - Kermit the frog An - Pimp (which time?) Lisa - Unabomber Mike C - Joe Montana Peter - Hunchback Jen G. - rabbit Mary - vampire (using medical office supplies) Amy - Close enough to John Travolta Alicia - Spider Hethur - Tea-Bag Clara - The Tick Natalie - Dead doctor killed and molested Dilley - Gisha girl Jim - vampire Lauren - punky brewster Chandra - hula skirts out of newspaper Jeremy - Toilet bowl and/or a Rubik's cube Melanie - Gypsy Perry - Albino Cockroach Cheryl - Flasher Michael - "I never thought I needed a costume." Glendon - Private eye/dick (a penis costume?) Erica - Pregnant girl Lisa M. - Cinderella Kendra - A pile of shit and/or a tube of toothpaste Rose - A member of KISS John - iguana Karen J. - nasty wrap (naked in saran wrap) Paula - Female Scarecrow Jean - social theorist Ali - "I don't like dresssing up." Julie - M&M (green) Rachael - homemade butterfly costume. "I had to cocoon myself up just to get in the car. I kept falling down and couldn't get up because me arms were attached to wings." Beckri - Blue street corner style mailbox. "If you pull the lid down you could see my face." Mad Dog - "The White Rabbit" from Alice and wonderland Ali - "Queen of Hearts" from Alice and Wonderland Kyene - "My whole family dresses up with a theme. We were the cast of Pac Man once. Each kid was a ghost." Dana - "Well, um.. I wore a Strawberry shortcake costume from K-mart. I come from a loser family, all right." Ann Marie - "Low income white trash 8-month pregnant lady (who was smokin' and drinkin'). "People who saw me really thought I was pregnant. This lady came up to me and asked if I wanted to sit down and lay off the haa'd liqah." Jen Johnson - Miss Piggy Marc - supersperm. "I wore a smokin' jacket, sunglasses, and a sign that said "eggs or bust" and won 3rd in a RHPS costume contest!" Courtney - 70's retro girl or Homeraid (the lion from Wizard of Oz) Sara J - Wonder bra (at swearing-in party) Sara H - The Flying Nun Winston - I was Yoda! (not to be confused with Clara's cat) Matt C. - Han Solo Deb - jelly fish Rebekah - a lawn decoration Dave - M&M (what color?) Zach - Brower commons food handler (cafeteria worker with radiation suit) Timothy - flasher Errol - "Mr. E" fake mohak with Mr. E t-shirt and/or Greatest American Hero guy 9. Zack is going to cut his hair! What would you do for a lock of Zack's Hair? (Or. what would you do to avoid getting a lock of Zack's hair) Adam - "What wouldn't I do?! .I'd urinate in public." Kevin Moore - "This is a truly offensive question. Nothing. I already have a lock of Zack's hair." Karen - Give all of my stuff away that I don't want. An - shave head Jackie - I would give Zack a happy oil massage Lisa R. - I'd put him in a hut with Natalie for a while. Jen Grubb - I'd move to senegal Mary - I'd go for a nighttime swim in the Atlantic Amy Capalupo - I'd stick my head in a camo Alicia - Two weeks of dysenterry Hethur - Send a small boy to give it to an adult to turn it into a juju Clara - "I'd cover myself in happy oil and offer myself to Zack Natalie - "What wouldn't I do? I'd have sex with Glendon" Dilley - Make a Zach wig Jim - eat a gallon of coos porridge Lauren - walk 20k from Georgetown Chandra - spend the day with her counterpart Jeremy - crawl from Basse to Bansang, naked, in the middle of the day. Melanie - give him a massage Peri - Trade next two month's packages (For the record, Peri doesn't get packages) Cheryl - Keep score at the next soul-gamblin' poker match Glendon - Trade two souls for a lock Michael G.- Set up a buffet of my own self-serve shit from the kamo Erica - sleep with a bumster Lisa M - "I don't like hair. I would sell his hair." Kendra - hang antizach jujus above her door. Rose - let him give me a massage w/o bra this time. John - swim across the river to Basse Karen - "Which hair is he thinking about clipping?" (She might keep it.) someone - I'd let him show me his wilderness survival manual page by page. Kyene - "Is this anonymous?" Ann Marie - "I'll sign up for those Tai Kwo lessons or whatevah." Rachae - I'll promise to floss my teeth with one strand of his hair each night for the rest of service. (sounds like she might ET soon with that promise J ) Ali - I'll attach it to my bike helmet Julie - start running Danadanadana - "I'll roll over during self defense classes." Mad Dog - "I'll set up a food cooking IST with him." Courtney - another death march Steve - I'd extend in Guinea Sara J - wrap myself in oregami Winston - I'd dress up like a Grey gargoyle and sit by the door Matt C - I'd leave my house pink. Deb - "not a lot.. Maybe I'd practice a test evacuation to Zach's house" Rabekah - "I would ask him for it (seductively). He won't be hard to convince (wink)" Dave M - Disassociate himself with the fact that "we are both from Jersey." Zack - "I ain't losin' my hair! Who started this rumor anyway!!!?" Timothy - shave my eyebrows Errol - cut off my big toe and give it to Jackie so she could accept a massage from Zach. Marc - move to the URD Sara H - Change sites and start giving canoeing lessons just upriver of Georgetown. Paul - Impale him with a wooden stake before he can give it to me. Halloween Ghost Story On Mail Run, we started a continuing ghost story. The night before we began, Jen and I tried to pick a title that would be the farthest from sex and bodily fluids as possible. We chose "The Night the Ghost Returned." It didn't take long to revert to the usual themes of sex, politics, and bodily functions. Here is the synthesis of what you creative (and perverted) volunteers wrote: (Note: This is a true story. The bold word indicates the start of a new writer. Some names have been changed to protect their identity.) The Night the Ghost Returned After the ghost stuck his ghost dick in the mashed potatos, he thankfully had some Jeef brand lying around to complete his "ghost-dick and buttered ghostballs" masterpiece. Finally, he realised how rediculous his actions were an woke himself from his terrifying dream. He decided to start his special day off by chaining up one lucky resident of Fishbowl, his favorite haunt. He chose Tom Vehe. While Tom was tied up, completely naked, the ghost forced skunked Julbrew down his throat whilst kicking him in the balls. What came next was even worse! Ghost girl knocked on knocked on his door with her own favorite PCV from the URD - Karen Jackson. Karen, who teamed up with the Gambia ghost force, was immobilized with laughter at the novel site of a naked Tom. "Love it or leave it!" Cried Tom, trying to salvage his forever lost dignity. Karen rolled eyes and replied, "Those kola nuts pack more punch than I thought." Although they were pricey she decided it was time to get her hands on as many as possible. (Night falls) The next day when I arrived in the North Bank, the Jarjar Chammeh circus was in town. He exclaimed, "I am a healthy lover" which was followed by Chammeh taking off his robes and starting to dance to the drums; seeing his beautiful naked body put me in a trance and I headed straight for the women selling bean sandwiches- and he proceeded to put his dick in the beans. However, he avoided the ghostbusters who finally showed up covered in marshmallow fluff. When Jarjar licked all the fluff off, they were naked underneath with a BIG T-shirt plastered with Jarjar's picture and saying, "I love Chammeh!" at which point Chammeh proceeded to erect a statue in honor of slimer. However, because of the intense heat of the Gambia, all the slime hardened. Disgusted with his failure, he turned, jumped into his car, and ordered the driver to drive as far as possible. The driver turned towards him and Chammeh couldn't believe his eyes, for the driver was in reality "THE GHOST", who sat with a pile of goey slimey marshmellows in his lap, spewing beastie boys lyrics backwards. Chammeh, being a good muslim, told this incarnation of the devil, "Allah give us peace, loglife, and lots of money to help me keep my promises (which are many in number)." Then, considering for a moment, said, "Are you like a marabou? Maybe you can help me get the rest of the dried beans off my balls." The marabou Ghost replied, "I know you are, but what am I?" He then fried the beans, had a burrito, and promised Taco Bell for 98% of all Gambians by the year 2001. After the, bean ladies sold Chammeh's bean ball sandwiches to all the people are the circus. Too bad for Chammeh his aim with the knife was, well.. not the best. That special sauce on the Chammeh-burrito? Yes, you've guessed it, that's 100% pure Grade-A Chammeh-sauce. Looking down, the man we all love exclaimed, "Oh no! I'm half the man I used to be! So again, Chammeh begs the Ghost. but all the Ghost could manage to do is start singing the song, "Detachable penis". With this Chammeh became infuriated and grabbed what was left of himself, backed it in some wanjo, and fled the country to head to America, because America is the only place to get adequate medical care for a king like himself. While in America the ghost and goblins began to overthrow the government of the Gambians and were able to rig the upcoming elections (by registering dead people). Upon Chammeh's return to the Gambia, a new leader had been placed on the throne and Chammeh realized he needed to change his ways and be a sort of Robin Hood, secretly relieving the sufferings and poverty of his people, unnoticed, disguised, until the people know that they can trust him. After noticing the plethora of conveniences in the US, his number one priority wsa to repair the sole paved road on the south bank to improve the country's infrastructure. What an amazing concept! Since TG has an abundance of human resources why not put some of them in action and let the ghosts, goblins, and other end-of-october spirits splurge on some attaya. Meanwhile Lorena Bobbit, a recent new Peace Corps volunteer to the Gambia, quickly assimilated into ghost and goblin culture. She was travelling to Tendaba camp in a bush taxi when a penis landed on the windshield. "Look at the johnson on that mosquito," she cried. Next, she decided to stop and take a closer look. She got back in the car with th penis still o n the windshield and drove to Tendaba. Upon arriving, a waiter rushed up and asled, "Please, are you ready?" To which she replied, no, oof course not I am still eatin my Gambian mush damn it- if I was ready I would get up and go. "Are you ready?" "Ready for what anyway" "Are you confused about something?" "While I actually I wanted to go back to the bush taxi and further investigate the well-endowed mosquito. Is it possible that other mosquitos bite only toubbs?" Forget this whole scenario! I'm Eting!! Chillin' in a hammock at Lebato's with Julbrew in hand, Lorena gazes out over the horizon at her last Gambian sunset. Although she had her share of bad Gambian experiences, Lorena realized it wasn't so bad. Just as she was about to order another Julbrew, she heard a tiny voice calling her name. She turned around and sure enough it was the ghost! "Salaamaleekum Lorena". "Maleekumsalaam Ghost!" "Why ghost you have brown stuff all over you." "Yeh, it's a little embarrassing, but I was just with Mrs. Ghost and she like when I drizzle domoda all over her body. She likes to experiment.hee hee. So Lorena you seem to be having quite a few fantasies charro and skins, benechin on skin. As she thought of this whole new realm of Gambian cuisine and skin she blushed, when she looked up at the ghost holding a bottle of zoom zoom and a bag of kola nuts which he began to throw at the other Toubabs driving them away so he could have Lorena all to himself to whisper that she is to be married in a traditional Gambian wedding to the Robin Hood of this wonderful country. Lorena is quite taken back but tests the Ghost's fortune telling but asks one question. "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?" But wait, we're in the Gambia now. Ice biscuits- not cookies. These cookies are great. I will have to bring them back to America along with no wait, we don't need to bring these back, these are oreos and not just oreos, DOUBLE STUFF!!! But I should shut up about all this food. My quickly enlarging ass will only entire my future husband more. Maybe if I place my tongue in a light socket I will gain enlightenment. But since over _ of the country oes not have light sockets I realized that it would be a silly thing to do. So Instead I decided to consult my local marabou for his enlightenment. After theobligatory Amen Amen Amens you'll never guess what my magical marabou told me is going to happen within the coming year. He said, "In the upcoming year, there will be free love for all. Yes, that's right kiddies me, you, and Chammeh too. We're all gonna be down with love. You can have it with glitter, you can have it with hot pepper sauce, you can have it with whipped cream or marshmellow fluff. However, no one ain't gettin' nothing while living in a lame ass pink house!" And thus concludes our scary mail run story. Common Gambian Sayings My Typical Response(s) 1. Fatou Toubab 1. I'm just going to ignore it. 2. Borrow me 50 dalasi 2. No 3. Taxi, Taxi 3. No shit. 4. Help me one barbed wire fence 4. I've already had this happen too many times to deal with you also 5. Do you have a husband? 5. Yes. 6. I want a toubab wife. 6. I hate people like you and/or number 4 response. 7. Kaye, kaye. 7. See response to no. 1,2,4,& 6 8. Give me you shirt. 8. See response to no. 1,2,4, & 6 9. You from what country? 9. See response to no. 4 & 6 10. I love America 10. See response to no. 3,4,& 6 ***Please note these sayings typically are a daily occurrence, they can be compared to your daily morning or evening greetings To: pcv@qanet.gm How are you, this is dave, your faithful leader. Any job opening for me there in PCTG. I think I'm going to ET this America job stuff, I'm coming back home. Dave Webe To the Peace Corps administration: It has come to my concern, as editor of Phatwad, that the new "environment" volunteers will not have ample opportunities to integrate into the current Peace Corps community, leading to less productivity (the absence of networking is detrimental) and impaired mental health. Therefore, we ask that special consideration be made for the Environment volunteers. Please allow them to come to the West African International Softball Tournament (WAIST) even though they will only have sworn-in two and a half months earlier instead of the required three. (Volunteers are usually not allowed to travel less that three months after swearing-in or three months prior to COSing) This is the only time in the first 6 months that all the volunteers will be together. The next time is our COS party, which as you might expect, will not be a time that second year volunteers will be interested in meeting new people. 10 ways the new AGFO training sucks for the new people: 1. Previous training just finished so we are all burnt-out 2. No volunteers at welcome party because swearing-in just happened. 3. No village visits by volunteers because school is in session and rainy season is underway for AgFos 4. Only 15 people at tendaba 5. The Death March is now just a pansy nature walk due to the temperature. 80 f. no rivers to wade. No second year encouragement. 6. They swear-in just before Christmas 7. Ramadan in full force when they arrive to site 8. They move in to site for two weeks then quickly leave for Christmas 9. NO SOFTBALL (W.A.I.S.T) because of the 3 month rule 10. First chance too meet volunteers is at their COS party. Bye-Bye! Tom & Rupert: At least give us back softball! Quotes From the Ones you Love "Karaoke probably isn't very popular in countries with a high illiteracy rate." -Kevin D. "By the way my usual comment to an an unwanted sexual invitation is `No thanks, I've already got one asshole in my panties.'" -Karen Jackson "No. I can't make the roar. Otherwise I'll scare myself!" - Jackie, describing a recent traumatic experience. "I have a brown belt in Tai Kwon Do. I'll thrash you!" - Yamai Secka-Jack Another Phatwad Crossword By Kevin Dilley 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 Down 1 Impregnated safety ______ 2 The television show Wild Kingdom was sponsored by Mutual of _____ 3 Member of The Backstreet Boys 4 Banjul's former name 5 Capitol city of Bolivia 6 Unit of electrical resistance 7 Strong Beer 8 Water source 9 Former resident of Kerr Pateh 12 Needle therapy 14 Muslim ruler 16 Jeremy attended this college 20 Overtime (abbr.) 23 Eastern religion 25 Chereh 26 Alien that wanted to phone home 27 Joyful _____ 30 Rupert's surname 31 Mama _____ 32 Slim 34 Twelve step program 35 Formerly Ceylon 37 Blood, phlegm, choler, and melancholy are the four ______ 38 Annoy 43 Princess ____ 47 Common state that PCVs are in 49 H2O 51 Material from which metal is made 54 Greek god which is a satyr 56 Unit for measuring electric current 57 Princeton is a member of this league 61 Interjection 64 Letter in the alphabet Across 1 ____ Lisa 5 My sign (What's your sign?) 7 Nisha's Gambian name 10 Before noon 11 First president of The Gambia 13 Her face launched a thousand ships 15 Short for Tamara 17 This horse can be found in the Olympics 18 Mexican dog breed 19 Look or see (arch.) 21 Headwear 22 Animal you won't see in The Gambia 24 Capitol city of Bolivia 28 Thus 29 Famous predictor of future events 33 Animal or thing thought to bring good luck 36 Sick 37 Playing card suit 38 Type of address used to distinguish computers on the internet 39 16th president of the US 40 United Nations (abbr.) 41 Bobby Knight coached basketball here 42 Opposite of debt 44 Nurse (abbr.) 45 Miss 46 East of CRD 48 Miss Vaitonis 49 Humpday (abbr.) 50 Prefix meaning air or aircraft 52 Wonder 53 Stratford _____ Avon 55 Vase used for holdng ashes 57 Personal Pronoun 58 Egyptian sun god 59 Citizen _____ 60 A _____ and a shaker 62 Tin 63 Soft gentle breeze 64 Vowel |
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